feeling mountains rising out of makebelieve seas
by parisoriginal
Summary: "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Alice?" A little girl with big brown eyes looked back at Quinn. She was wearing puffy looking yellow shorts with a white top, tucked in all but the back. Her yellow polka dotted socks were dirty from all the dirt in the play ground and her shiny white shoes had a few scratches on them. Quinn tilted her head. "Alice? Alice who?"


an (1): wow okay so I started writing this because I had bb!faberry feelings and I guess it's going to turn into a chapter fic. I'm still unsure of where I'm going with it, but I have a pretty good idea. all I ask is that you remain very patient with me and updates because I am NOT used to writing chapter fics (as you can tell by my work) so haaayyyy.

an (2): this will be rated m because it _will_ have sexual content (I mean, please, do you know me at all?).

an (3): based on a passion pit song.

an (4): this goes out to jaye cause she loves me.

an (5): _**reviews are welcome and highly encouraged.**_ please send me your thoughts and ideas and I'll incorporate those that deem fit. I love you all and thank you for sticking around.

* * *

_this is the room where we always dreamed. of grass and splendid evenings. emitting frequencies. lost between the leaves and things._

.

Her hands were sticky with glue and she grimaced at the feel of it. Gross. The assignment had been to put together a frame for this year's school photo and she was failing miserably. The nozzle on the tube was loose and before she knew it, the entire popsicle stick was dripping with white goo. It was starting to make her nauseous. Suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like Alice?"

A little girl with big brown eyes looked back at Quinn. She was wearing puffy looking yellow shorts with a white top, tucked in all but the back. Her yellow polka dotted socks were dirty from all the dirt in the play ground and her shiny white shoes had a few scratches on them.

Quinn tilted her head. "Alice? Alice who?"

The other girl's mouth dropped open and a little shrill of excitement left her, "Alice in Wonderland!"

"Shhh," Ms. McLane looked over in Quinn's direction and she blushed a bright pink. She hated being singled out. She turned and shot the brunette a glare but she couldn't help but wonder what she was even talking about.

Quinn had never heard of such a girl. Was she in their third grade class? The only Alice she'd known was in Mrs. Rossin's class and she had bushy black eyebrows and messy teeth, so she hoped her classmate wasn't talking about _her_. The small blonde girl shakes her head. "I've never heard of Alice in Wonderland. Is that another school?"

The brunette's eyes practically disappear as she giggles loudly, "No! Silly, she's a character." She stepped closer to Quinn and brushed her hand over her blonde hair. "She's got pretty blonde hair just like yours and she wears a blue dress just like yours!"

Quinn's never been compared to anyone her whole life. She'd just been Quinn, daughter of Russell and Judy Fabray. Sibling to a mean older sister who never let her listen to her CD player. Just plain and simple Quinn.

"What's she like?" Quinn asked slowly, letting her curiosity get the best of her.

"Wow, wait, so you've actually never heard of Alice. Like, at all?" The other girl almost looked hurt. As if Quinn's lack of knowledge on this Alice girl is a travesty. Her little hand clung to her chest. It was almost comical.

"Nope. Never." Quinn furrowed her eyebrows. She was getting upset at feeling left out of something apparently so neat. A girl like Quinn. She wanted to know more, of course.

"Hmm," the girl paused in thought. She tapped her small index finger on her chin and looked up at the ceiling. Quinn followed her stare. There's nothing on the ceiling. This girl is crazy.

Finally, she leans close to Quinn, bringing her hand next to her mouth and whispering—rather loudly—"I'll come get you during recess."

Quinn smiled a little, "Okay," she said simply, turning back to her glue mess.

.

The loud ringing of the bell is something Quinn would never get used to. Every single day, it startled her, making all her supplies go into the air and causing the other young children to laugh. She hated it.

She felt a hand grab hers but she couldn't turn around fast enough to properly react to it.

"Follow me!" Their steps were loud in the hall toward the big double doors that lead to the play yard. They were the first to reach the vast, empty area, which was both awesome and rare since the rest of the kids usually stampede and battle for space to play. The brunette takes Quinn's hand again and runs to a hidden corner and sits. She's got a book in her hand.

They both sit, and the girl sings some kind of introductory song and turns the book to face Quinn. "This," she points at the cover, "is Alice."

It's uncanny. All but the blue eyes, were just like Quinn. She didn't understand why but her eyes watered, and she felt a thrill shoot up her little spine. This is so cool. "Wow," she said in wonderment. "You weren't kidding."

"Please, I do not lie." She stated this while tossing her hair back. Quinn laughed a little. She reminded her of her older sister a little bit. Not in a snobby way like her at all, but in a dramatic way; like she was from the movies.

"Wait," Quinn hesitated when the girl motioned to open the book.

"What's wrong?"

"My parents don't really let me read things like this." Quinn blushed a little, ashamed.

"What? Why? Alice is amazing!" The girl shrieked. Quinn just shrugged.

"Okay, okay. We'll only read it if you want to." She reassured the blonde. Quinn crawled forward a little, out of their hideout to see if anyone was near. All the other kids were being loud and obnoxious. No one was paying any mind to the two girls. She looked back at the other girl whose eyes were bigger and brighter than before. They looked like planets.

"I want to."

The girl beamed and clapped her hands. They settled comfortably on the patch of grass and opened the book. Before the other girl even got to the first page she stopped and looked at Quinn, sticking out her hand for a handshake. "I'm Rachel."

"I'm Quinn."

Rachel smiled, "Chapter One."

.

Recess in the afternoons were spent down the rabbit hole, as Quinn soon called it. It was their little code word for the location in which they had all their adventures. Rachel and Quinn would read books and act out parts. Each would pick a character and drift away in their imaginations. The blonde became fascinated with stories and fantasy and everything that came along with it. Sometimes, she'd sneak a book that Rachel would let her borrow in her backpack and, cautiously, she'd read it at night with the help of a flashlight. She felt horrible for having to keep everything such a secret, but she didn't want to ruin what she had. And what she had made her happy.

Seldom did things at home ever make Quinn feel like she belonged or as safe as she felt maybe she should feel. Everyone had all these pretty things to say about how their moms and dads were great and life at home is the best. Quinn would smile and say things in agreement when on the inside she wanted to cry.

Her father was a scary man, but when she'd least expect it, he'd be there with a present to make her smile, but feel queazy in her stomach. She had to sit up and pray before dinner, which was normal, but if her elbows touched the mahogany, she'd wince later in the night at her bruises. All her homework had to be perfect, too. Not one thing wrong or she'd stay up all night, rubbing her tired eyes while he watched her every move across the table. Not a single word. Silence as her pencil connected to the paper. She'd shake when she'd receive her interim report, every nine weeks. She'd pray to God in her head, hoping that she'd get straight A's or she'd be in big trouble.

Her mother had the perfect face. She was so beautiful. She spoke in big words and she'd smile all the time. Her dinners were like from the magazines and she'd always wear really nice clothes. A lot of the time Quinn thought she wanted to be just like her. She wanted to be the perfect wife and the perfect mom. And then there were other times when she wished her mom would say something, or stop him. When he yelled at Quinn and shook her and her mom would stay in the kitchen until it was over. The stuff they both drank smelled awful and it didn't make her father any nicer or her mother any more help. Those are the things Quinn promised herself she'd never let herself do.

She remembered one day in particular during the week, when Rachel talked in class about her family. The little brunette stood in front of the class, her eyes as big as saucers and her smile bright. She said her family isn't like other families, but it's a kind of family. Just like how there's families of one mommy or one daddy, there were families with two mommies or two daddies. She had the kind with two daddies.

The class was quiet, and some of the kids tilted their heads. Other kids smiled and some frowned. Quinn kept looking around and seeing how she should react. She'd never heard about this and Rachel never brought it up in the rabbit hole. She understood, though. Quinn never brought up her daddy and his drinks either. She didn't know how.

So, Quinn kind of just let her face be blank as Rachel continued to talk about how they watch a thing called the Oscars and how they dress up sometimes and pretend they're people on TV. There was a sudden ball in Quinn's throat and she realized she really wanted to cry. She thought of how cool it would be to dress up and play with her mom and dad, or even her sister—like that'd ever happen—and a burst of sadness made her choke out loud and the entire class, including Rachel, looked over at Quinn. She cleared her throat and brushed her sleeve past her eyes, stood up and calmly said, "I need to use the restroom."

Rachel watched her friend leave the classroom in the middle of her show-and-tell.

.

Quinn was sitting on the same patch of grass, which was now turning an ugly yellow. She thought maybe it had been because it was getting colder and the grass would soon have to die. The blonde held Rachel's copy of Alice in Wonderland close to her chest. She was staring at it after taking a seat, comfortably on the grass waiting for Rachel to get out of the classroom; the other girl was showing the teacher another song she'd been practicing at home.

Oh, yeah, Quinn also loved that Rachel sings. Most of the time Rachel just showed off her talents in tap. She had later told Quinn that singing was her special talent and only special people were allowed to know, at least until she was ready to do it for everyone. However, she had won talent shows in cities nearby. Those were the only times she sang in front of other people. And only when she practiced _a lot_.

But Quinn found that dumb. Not to be mean and call Rachel dumb, but Rachel was really good. Quinn would smile every time the brunette would sing to her in the rabbit hole. It was her favorite. She'd sing Quinn lullabies and rhymes and sometimes she'd just sing to sing. Sometimes, when things got bad at home, she'd lie on her bed and close her eyes and pretend Rachel would sing to her. When Rachel sang, everything felt better. But even when she felt better, Quinn would cry anyway.

Rachel finally showed up, but finds Quinn being quiet. Earlier that day, she'd walked out while girl was giving her speech. She was worried about her.

"What's wrong, little Alice? Has the Cheshire cat got your tongue?" She tried her best to smile at her friend.

Quinn couldn't help it, so she smiled a little, but then remembered she was sad. "I think it's cool that you have two dads."

Rachel put an arm around Quinn and hugged her. "Thanks. I think they're cool, too."

"Are either of them mean?" It slipped so quickly from the blonde's mouth she almost looked horrified at the question.

Rachel frowned. "Only when I spilled red sauce on dad's favorite shirt. He got really angry, but daddy calmed him down." Quinn shook her head. That's not what she meant. "Why?"

She could only shrug at the brunette. "No real reason."

They were unusually quiet for a while. Rachel gently took the book from Quinn and opened it to the tea party. That was Quinn's favorite part because she always said that Rachel was the Mad Hatter.

"Wanna have a tea party at my house sometime?" She asked Quinn before starting to read aloud.

Quinn had never heard a better question in her entire life.

.

Quinn usually wasn't allowed over other people's houses. Or maybe it wasn't that she wasn't allowed as much as she never had close friends who'd invite her. Usually when it came to birthday parties, it was a way for her parents to invite _their_ friends over and just have their kids be there to entertain her. None of them ever became as good a friend to her as Rachel had. She'd never dream of telling any of them the secrets she'd shared with the brunette. Rachel was her special Mad Hatter. No one was kooky or as great as she.

Luckily, Quinn's mom was on the phone gossiping about the neighbors. She was holding the phone with one hand and a glass with the funny smelling stuff in the other. Quinn had been trying to ask her if she could go to Rachel's in any other words than "can I go over to Rachel's". Her mother made a face as she brushed her off and turned around to look out the kitchen window, laughing at something someone said on the other end of the phone. Quinn took this as a yes, so she quietly walked away unnoticed, ran upstairs, and gathered her things.

Rachel's dads arrived and Quinn was already outside waiting for them. She climbed in the car and Rachel quickly grabbed her hand and smiled wide. Her eyes looked like stars.

.

Rachel's room was so colorful. Her walls were a pastel yellow and there was a border running along the top of her walls with gold stars. She had a keyboard on one side and a book case right next to it. It was filled with books she'd never seen before, or heard of. Quinn ran her finger over the spines and mouthed the titles and authors.

"You can borrow any of those whenever you like." Rachel stood in the doorway with her arms piled up high with stuffed animals. Quinn laughed and ran to help her set up the tea party. Rachel talked about all her animals. She stated their names and where they came from and Quinn just sat and listened. It felt so strange to be in a place that wasn't her room and not have to worry about her father or her mother or her sister.

They played for a whole hour and a half before Quinn's stomach growled so loud she blushed a bright pink. Rachel smiled and grabbed her hand and pulled her off the floor. Downstairs, in the kitchen, Rachel had tons of food. She grabbed an apple and handed it to Quinn. Sometimes, Quinn thought that Rachel was psychic or maybe that she knew her entirely well because apples are her _favorite_.

It grew dark and they entertained themselves with books and a movie; the toys were left abandoned on the floor.

Quinn had fallen asleep along with Rachel. The room was lulled to an orange, the sunset shining bright through the window of Rachel's room. Quinn awoke to stern talking downstairs. She froze suddenly.

"What's wrong?" A sleepy Rachel asked.

Quinn's breathing was erratic, and her eyes were swimming in tears. She knew one of the three voices downstairs was her father's. She wasn't expecting him to show up and pick her up. She actually didn't think of what would happen at the end of the day. Somewhere in the back of Quinn's mind, she thought maybe she'd be left here at Rachel's to live forever.

That thought was brutally shredded when her father called for Quinn. She knew that tone and that meant she'd be crying herself to sleep that night. Rachel looked at Quinn and then pulled her into a tight embrace. Quinn could feel her heart beating through her dress. They both sounded like a loud and obnoxious song, one of those her sister would listen to. Rachel felt Quinn begin to shake. She pulled away and held Quinn's hands firmly.

"I've got something."

Rachel got up and picked out a box from underneath her bed. Upon opening it, Quinn saw a small plush doll that looked just like her. It was Alice. Quinn tried to smile, but her lip was quivering.

The brunette climbed back onto the bed and grabbed Quinn's hand. She placed the small doll onto it and said, "Alice got unlost. You can, too."

Quinn just nodded, gripping the doll with all her might to keep from shaking. She jumped, hearing her father call for her again. Rachel took Quinn's hand in hers and they walked downstairs quietly. When they got to the door, Rachel's dad had his arms crossed over his chest. His eyebrows were furrowed, like he was angry.

"We apologize for any inconvenience, Mr. Fabray." Rachel's daddy said to Quinn's father, who looked totally blank. Which meant that this was bad.

"Come on, Quinn." He didn't even look down at her. "Say goodbye." The blonde looked at Rachel and Rachel let go of her hand to give her a hug, then stepped back to her dads. Quinn took a step forward to Russell. "You won't be seeing her anymore."

Horrified, Quinn looked back at Rachel, who was as shocked as her. Quinn could hear Rachel objecting, but Russell had already taken his daughter's hand and walked toward the car. He opened the car door and shoved her in. The hot tears were stinging her cheeks. She couldn't control her sobs. Her father stepped into the driver's seat and started the car.

"Those are not the kind of people I raised you to be around, Quinn Fabray." His face was still blank. "I'm very disappointed in you. You are not to see that girl again, do you understand?"

Quinn fought to speak up and ask why. She wanted to understand what was so bad about Rachel, but she knew better than to speak out of term. She simply nodded and tried her best not to sob harder than she already was.

"I can't hear you, Quinn!"

"Yes, father." She choked out.

"You're switching schools tomorrow. I'll talk to your teachers, so don't worry about your things..." She felt everything echo out as if she wasn't in the car anymore and her father was driving further and further away; like she'd fallen deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole, but this one was dark and lonely. And that was the last time she saw her Mad Hatter.


End file.
